


Nature

by penlex



Series: little cuts [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fables - Freeform, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Magic, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Outsider, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 12:39:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16516685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penlex/pseuds/penlex
Summary: Bruce means to impart a lesson, but accidentally gives Loki ideas instead.





	Nature

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone at 1 am AND IT GOT REFRESHED AND DELETED HALFWAY THRU so if there are mistakes it's not my fault

They somehow manage to make it all the way to Earth without any on board casualties. There were several fights, increasing in frequency the longer they spent cooped up together on their too-small and understocked spaceship, but Bruce avoided them all. He's told so did the Hulk, when the Hulk was around. Apparently the Big Guy is a lot smarter than Bruce ever wanted to give him credit for.

They're directed to land from orbit on Tony's old property in Malibu, and told that he and some political big wigs will meet them there. Bruce isn't really looking forward to that, but he's keeping it together much better than some.

Well, one. Loki. Loki is freaking out.

It's almost funny to watch on one hand, cathartic even, but equally stressful on the other. The more nervous Loki gets the meaner he gets. Not to mention the magic. Bruce doesn't know how or why he can tell, but potential energy is just pouring off of Loki's person and building up in the air like an ionic charge.

"What exactly do you think is going to happen here, _My King_?" he demands of his brother. The way he emphasizes Thor's new title makes it sound like a grievous insult. From the piloting station, Valkyrie very poorly stifles her laugh.

"It won't be as bad as you think it will be, brother," Thor insists for the nth time. Heimdall sighs deeply, leaning on the nav consol and staring flatly into the middle distance.

"That charlatan 'sorcerer' is going to pull some cheap trick on me as soon as I step foot on his sacred Terran grass," Loki snarls. He takes a threatening step into Thor's personal space. Thor is completely unmoved. "To say nothing of the rest of 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes'." He doesn't use air quotes but Bruce is pretty sure that's just because he doesn't know about them.

"The Avengers are my friends, Loki," Thor sighs, long-suffering even though this time he's surely drawing on Loki's patience just as much as Loki is on his. Bruce is so glad he doesn't have any siblings. "They'll be understanding once I explain things."

"Oh yes, very comforting," Loki snaps sarcastically. "And it's a guarantee that you'll be given a chance to unfold the whole sordid tale for them, is it?"

Thor opens his mouth, but Bruce honestly can't take this anymore.

"Listen, buddy," he cuts in quickly. "You know I hate to say this, but Loki kind of has a point. He tried to take over last time he was here. The Avengers are gonna shoot first and ask questions later."

"Actually," Thor says. Bruce's jaw ticks. "He did absolutely nothing last time he was here." There's a pause, during which Bruce counts carefully backward from five. And then Thor adds, "But I take your point. Anyone have any suggestions?"

"Knock him unconscious," Valkyrie calls out immediately, like she was just waiting for her cue.

"No," Thor says before she's even halfway done speaking.

"She took mine," Bruce quips when Thor looks to him. Heimdall's lips twitch, but Bruce has figured out that's practically a toothy grin for him.

"Why don't I just disguise myself," Loki proposes through gritted teeth. "That way you have a moment to break my loathsome presence to your _friends_ gently." Thor rolls his eyes at Loki's dramatics, but then nods.

The snap of the magical tension in the air is unpleasant, but it's a lot easier to breathe once it's gone. With a green flash, where Loki had been just a blink ago there is now a six foot python. It flicks its tongue at Thor and he smiles and offers it a hand.

Loki the snake slithers up his brother's bare arm to drape himself heavily across Thor's shoulders. It's certainly not subtle, but what with the general obfuscation of magic on Earth Bruce doubts anyone will wonder about it. Thor is plenty majestic enough to carry off a giant snake as a fashion statement.

They disembark, the bulk of their passengers Asgardian and Sakaaran alike laying themselves out on the ground behind the ship and just breathing in the real atmospheric air. Bruce stays with the political entourage. Despite Bruce's extreme reservations, Thor had extracted a promise of right-handmanship from him through use of emotional currency. It's always the honest ones you have to look out for.

Most of the Earth delegates who show all give Loki long second looks, but none of them question his validity as a reptile. Thor doesn't take the opportunity to explain though. Tony is drawn and stressed and sad and his body language screams wariness and distrust, and he's the only Avenger there. Maybe Bruce is paranoid, but he thinks it's a wise choice for Thor to hold his tongue for now.

A more official meeting is arranged in the roundabout way that all policy is handled on this planet, hands are ceremoniously shaken, and the wigs clear out. Tony makes a joke that falls flat, tells Thor and Bruce that he missed them with unprecedented sincerity, and then _books_ it. So that'll have to be addressed later. But for now, it'd be pretty nice to join everyone else in laying on the ground and breathing.

"Don't do it!" Thor suddenly snaps, making Bruce jump. Then there is Loki on his back and the glint of a knife in the sun and Thor yelping in a not very manly way. When he tosses his brother onto the ground the blade of the knife is red, and then gone.

"Have either of you ever heard the story of the scorpion and the frog?" Bruce asks, shaking his head. He doesn't know if he's amused or just incredulous.

"Do tell," Loki says. For once he doesn't sound devious, only genuinely curious. Bruce wonders if there's any truth to the 'God of Stories' part of the myths.

"Uh, well basically it goes, there's this scorpion and he has to get to the other side of this river. So he asks the frog to carry him across since he can't swim," Bruce paraphrases. "And the frog says 'Why should I trust you not to sting me?' And the scorpion says 'If I sting you then we will both die.' So the frog agrees, and he's carrying the scorpion across the river. And then the scorpion stings him. So the frog asks 'Why did you sting me? Now we'll both die.' And the scorpion says 'I couldn't help it. It's in my nature.'"

"Why would a scorpion want to get across a river?" Thor asks. Bruce's jaw ticks. He doesn't answer. Instead he looks to see Loki's reaction to the fable, as if that will be any better.

Loki is looking up at Thor. He wears an expression of innocence that is extremely eerie to see on his face.

"Don't do it!" Thor shouts and takes three quick steps back, but even as he does Loki's mouth lifts into a sharp smirk and his fingers spark. "NO!"

Where Thor was there is now a very fat, very green, very cranky looking frog.

"Don't-" Bruce starts, but he's too slow and Loki's smirk has already split into a grin.

Where Loki was there is now a larger than average scorpion. It waves it's crab-like forelegs in the air excitedly and then scuttles toward Thor the frog. Thor croaks loudly, but instead of attempting an escape he glares and leaps forward. Before they can reach each other Bruce lunges for them and scoops up an Odinsson brother in each hand.

It seems like it should be much more difficult to keep them apart than it is. Bruce struggles more with the cognitive dissonance of Thor being small than anything else. Small and slightly damp. Normal for a frog, very awkward for a person.

In Bruce's other hand Loki raises his curled tail, the wicked looking hook on the end poised and ready to strike down in between Bruce's thumb and forefinger.

"Careful," Bruce warns in a low almost-growl, squeezing just a little, "or you'll turn me green too, but I won't be a frog." Loki's stinger tail freezes, and then relaxes out of attack mode. Bruce can't read scorpion body language, but he can guess that Loki is probably being sullen.

"Okay," Bruce says in a more measured, even tone. "I'm going to set you both down, and then Loki is going to turn you both back, and then we're all going to have a nice nap in the sacred Terran grass. Okay?" They don't answer, but they're a frog and a scorpion so he takes it as agreement and starts to lower them back to the ground.

Thor's sticky tongue shoots out and smacks Loki audibly hard right in the beady black eye.

Bruce just drops them then, before he can hulk out and squeeze them both to death. They turn back into Thor and Loki before they hit the ground but Bruce has already turned and marched off, counting carefully backwards from ten.

"My _eye_ , Thor!" Loki shrieks.

"You started it!" Thor yells back.

Bruce's jaw ticks. Twenty. He'll count backwards from twenty.


End file.
